One Thing at a Time

Hello again, my lovely magical readers!

I know, I’m super proud of myself for getting a second post up in one week. High fives all around! As always, I succeed in one area of my life but fail in something else. This week my house is a mess, but my blog posts are up and the horse has been ridden. There’s always something that doesn’t get done.

Anyways, like I mentioned in Monday’s post, I am trying to come up with a mantra or at least some kind of idea or statement. Something that will help ground me and bring me back to the present moment so that I can enjoy the time I’m in right now.

Photo by Benjamin Voros on Unsplash

Although I’m not quite as stressed out or stuck in the future like I was back in October, I’m still not in the place that I want to be. Even right now, while I’m sitting at my desk at work and writing this post – and I want to be doing exactly that! – I’m worried about what to do for dinner tonight. I keep glancing over to the to-do list that I have sitting on my desk and thinking about all the other things that are on it. I need something to bring me back to the moment so that I can focus on *this* project. Focus is such a big problem for me in my day to day life.

Dealing with this issue sucks because I really love all the things that I work on, all the little projects. I like cooking dinner, but usually can’t enjoy it because I’m thinking about the house cleaning that I need to do afterwards. I can’t settle down and just enjoy a TV show for an hour with my husband before bed because I’m thinking about the list of things I’ll need to accomplish in the morning when I get up. It’s hard for me to enjoy the process of writing fiction sometimes because of all the stuff that needs my attention.

So even though I’m actually doing a lot better in the anxiety department, I’m still not where I want to be yet. And I have to tell myself that it’s okay to not be where I want because I’m on the journey. How many times do we have to tell ourselves that it’s not about the goal itself, but about the journey that takes us to that point?

That journey is an adventure. And there are a lot of little pieces that need to happen along the way. Some of them aren’t as awesome or quite as fun, but they are necessary. If I’m impatient, then I may rush through those small but necessary steps and I’ll probably end up with subpar work and outcomes. Each step is important. I have to take the time needed to enjoy the journey as it comes instead of rushing ahead or skipping steps.

Even though planning ahead is very important, it doesn’t work if you spend all your time doing the planning and very little or no time doing the actual things. Maybe the planning is a step in the right direction, but it’s not the only step.

I’m learning every day what all of this means and I think I’m getting better at it too. That’s why I’m searching for a mantra of some kind that will help remind me to enjoy the journey and in the process keep my mind focused on the moment. Even just writing this post out helped me a little bit, so maybe it’s another step in the right direction. There are plenty of days where I want to start going back to therapy or even consider medications, but for my personal situation a lot of my problems get significantly better when I focus on controlling my thoughts and really nurturing the positive and helpful ones. It works for me, but it does take a lot of effort and there are a lot of tears and emotions and sometimes I’m just exhausted and don’t have the strength to fight.

But I keep writing, because somehow it always makes me feel at least a little bit better.

Until next time,

Love and kindness, especially in the holiday season!

Posted by Katharine Espinosa

Katharine is a freelance writer, editor, and aspiring author. She loves coffee, chocolate, cats, and riding her horses on the weekends. She lives in rural Texas with her husband and daughter.

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