Parenting Processes

Hello everyone, all you fanciful dreamers!

Everyone talks about how you just figure it out as you go when it comes to parenting. Everyone has advice to give and everyone has their own process and I find the whole thing quite fascinating, to be honest. Being pregnant, I very much had no idea what was going on and certainly no inkling of what I was getting myself into. I was prepared for parenthood to be difficult, but nothing prepares you for the real thing. As we all do, I had visions of how I was going to act, what I was going to do, etc., etc. I’ll just tell you right now, I am in no way the mom that I saw myself as when I was pregnant!

With A’s second birthday inching closer, its becoming easier to reflect back and see just how much of a process has actually happened. There were so many ups and downs and trying to figure out how I wanted to handle things like discipline, learning, and so on. The main thing that has stayed the same is my effort to be as consistent as possible. The confidence I have in my decisions is much stronger now and I’ve learned what’s actually important.

Therapy has helped a lot, but it’s also crazy to think about how much being a parent caused me to change as a person. Once A started being mobile and needing more direction about what she could and could not do, it started to feel like I was spinning my wheels, stuck in a rut with nothing happening the way I wanted it to. Last year really shifted my priorities and needs though and then having my baby turn into a toddler opened my eyes to all the things that I needed to work on within myself. My frustration, my time management, and so many other things that I knew weren’t my best qualities started seeming important aspects to work on now. 

You will never ever catch me saying that I have it all figured out. Because I’ve reached the point of knowing that there is no figuring it out. I’m learning how to parent the kid in front of me by asking questions and listening instead of punishing, modeling kind and loving behavior, not jumping to conclusions, and problem-solving boundary issues WITH the kid instead of FOR her. The mind-shift is intense, but its overwhelmingly positive outcomes are so cool to watch. We’re learning about emotions and how they feel in our bodies right now. She knows how to say no and she knows that we ask before doing anything to her because learning about consent starts early. She mimics so much of our behavior now and I cringe a lot because I can see her picking up my habits, but at least the motivation to change those habits is there for me now! I can’t expect her to act one way if I show her the complete opposite.

I’m never going to be a mommy blogger or write a ton of parenting posts. But learning how to be the parent my kid needs is a huge mindset shift for me and it’s been tough emotionally. Parenting respectfully and honestly means taking a look at my own inner child and seeing why she is triggered by the Tiny Princess’ behavior. Doing the work on myself will create that consistent and gentle parent that Adaline needs.

That’s my ramble for today,

Love for all!

Katharine Marie

Posted by Katharine Espinosa

Katharine is a freelance writer, editor, and aspiring author. She loves coffee, chocolate, cats, and riding her horses on the weekends. She lives in rural Texas with her husband and daughter.

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