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Welcome Again

Hello lovely humans,

Blogging has been kind of hit or miss over the last… six? months. I’m unsure of a lot of things, but one thing that I know right now is that I am definitely not the same person (at least not on the inside) that I was a few years ago. Even one-year-ago me was different. In light of that, and also because I just rewrote my online bio things, I wanted to share a little about myself. So here are 25 things to know about Katharine.

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Posted by katharine_marie in Life in 2021, 0 comments

starting fresh

Hello dear readers,

The last few posts I’ve written have felt kind of heavy. Usually, I try not to do that many in a row, but between the world lately and everything I’ve been working through and processing internally, it would have felt fake to try and post something more upbeat or lighter in nature. That isn’t to say that I’ve been depressed and miserable for the last month. It’s actually been quite a good summer overall! But I do try to write about the real and the raw aspects of life, and things have definitely been VERY real lately.

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Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

So the short version of the story is that I’ve been doing a lot of internal processing lately. 2020 has been a really strange year and I’ve found myself breaking out of the box I had previously put myself into in so many ways. I’ve found the courage to state my opinions and beliefs, to actually speak with people more boldly than I ever would have before, and it has been really really freeing. But in the same breath, it has been so very hard because I overthink every little thing and having disagreements with people is something that I have always avoided with a passion.

But I know, in my heart, that I’m not making mistakes in my life, that I’m just coming home to myself and owning who I am in a whole new light. I’m recognizing my faults and my bad habits and in doing so, I’m motivated to overcome them. I’m focused on loving the people around me, and in doing so, I’m learning how to love myself all over again. I’ve had the right intentions for so very long, but I’ve been blind to how I was blocking myself from really reaching my dreams or how I was dividing and hurting other people, which was the exact opposite of what I wanted!

Tracking my moods and my habits in my planner has been absolutely invaluable in helping me realize when I’m being selfish and when I’m being selfLESS, two things that get tangled sometimes in my mind (odd as that may sound). Making my opinions known is different from arguing with someone and in trying to stand up for what I believe, I was becoming resentful and bitter, all because I was going about it the wrong way. (I’m still figuring out the right way for ME, so I’ll keep you updated lol.)

I’m getting used to saying it out loud, but I’m a very empathic person. It’s a blessing and a curse at the same time, and I’ve really come to terms lately with the fact that I was not dealing with it very well at all. I never truly understood how much my empathic tendencies were taking over every minute of every day, or how much I was feeding off of other people. And that isn’t healthy. Not at all! I’ve had to take a step back from people in general and do some work on me before I can even think about helping others in the same way.

There are a lot of things that have contributed to me being in a place to write this blog post and a lot of things that I want to discuss moving forward, but I’ll get to those in the future. All I want to say right now is that I am deeply sorry if I have hurt or offended anyone. I never wanted to spread anything but love and I’m so upset that I’ve done otherwise. My beliefs may not change, but I am working on changing my actions, which I hope will become self-evident.

I won’t be posting this Friday and it’s deliberate this time, not just because of a hectic schedule. I need some time to recharge and I’m also way behind on planning blog posts for the rest of 2020. So I’ll be working on that as well. But next week is August and I’ll be back full force!


Much love and lots of light to everyone,

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Posted by katharine_marie in Anxiety, Depression, General, Life in 2020, Lifestyle, mental health, Setting Goals, 0 comments

regarding privilege

Hello, all you beautiful readers,

For the sake of my blog schedule, we’re going to pretend that the last week and a half didn’t happen. I had a major case of the “I don’t wanna”s and that’s all I have to say about that.

Today was supposed to be what I usually write up as a “mental health day” type of post, but considering the current state of the country, I didn’t feel that was the kind of thing I ought to be writing about. Honestly, I don’t feel like I know what to say.

I’m just a very basic white girl blogger, chugging along with a message of positivity, love, and ‘follow your dreams.’ I’m not good at digging deep, at saying the hard things, and I avoid politics and conflicts like the plague. (Hey, a time-relevant joke… haha)

The Black Lives Matter movement is one that seems to have had its moments in the sun, aka social media, before kind of fading out of view. Its hard for me to admit that I’ve always been quiet in the past, never having an opinion or a stance, at least not openly. Like I said, I avoid conflict at all costs, and stating an opinion that might start an argument just flares up my anxiety.

But over the past week, I’ve come to realize that my ability to stay quiet, to just avoid the conflict if I want to, is a mark of my own “privilege.” And I use the word privilege in quotations because it should not be considered a privilege to be treated like a human being. And yet, for so very many people, that would be an enormous privilege.

I didn’t grow up hearing about race. I wasn’t directly told much of anything, except to know that anyone who associated themselves with people outside our religious culture would be gossiped about by everyone. It wasn’t something I concerned myself with while I was growing up, partially because I was homeschooled and practically everyone I had around me looked just like me. Again, more of that same “privilege.”

But I’ve found myself raising a beautiful daughter who is not going to look like me. Every day, it seems like, her skin color looks more and more like her daddy’s. And I find myself worried, afraid, of the stereotypes and issues she could potentially face as she grows older. I want to shield her, to pretend like nothing could ever happen to her, but that isn’t realistic. Instead, I know I have a big responsibility to teach her about her heritage, to go beyond what the history books tell us about Native Americans so that she can know the real truth, and to encourage her to stand up for her rights and beliefs. And I’m sharing that because if I can feel so strongly, raising a child who is still partially white, I can only imagine what black mothers around this country are feeling when they raise their children. My heart goes out to them and the fear they must be facing right now.

Even though I don’t fully support the violence that has taken place over the past several days, I also don’t have the right to deny that POC in America have been hurt deeply, for hundreds of years, and there is ancestral anger rising up right now. As a white woman, I have no way of understanding what that feels like.

My current course of action is education. As I said, I’ve never had to think about how privileged I actually am, and it is my job to try and understand at least some portion of what POC go through. Beyond that, I’ve been scouting out black-owned businesses to support and I’m learning what is going on in my own state that should be changed.

I want a better world for my daughter. I want a world that truly is fair and just. And I need to help that happen because all lives can’t matter until black lives matter.

Love and light and kindness to all,

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Posted by katharine_marie in Life in 2020, Lifestyle, 0 comments

March 2020 – A Closer Look

Hello beautiful readers!

March was a full blown adventure, wasn’t it? I feel like we started out strong and then slowly devolved into “the world is ending.” So that’s great. I wasn’t sure how to write this post, exactly, but then decided that I would just focus inward a little. We’re always going to remember the spring of 2020 as the time of the world pandemic, so why not take a look at some other things.

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What happened in March?

Here on Elemental Dreamer…

This was my worst month so far, blog post wise – including this one, I posted four times. Last Friday was my quarterly post, checking in on some of those ideas I was hoping to push for in 2020. Before that, I posted a little update letter to try and find some hope in the chaos of current events. And at the very beginning of the month I had a post about how I handle being interested in everything all the time.

In the Books…

Definitely my worst month to date. In the spirit of honesty, I’ve been super anxious and when I’m super anxious I read fanfiction and trashy romance novels – just a coping mechanism, I guess. I pulled out A Wrinkle in Time yesterday to make a point after we watched the latest awful movie rendition and now that it’s sitting out, I may read it. Who knows.

On the Screen…

We finally finished watching How I Met Your Mother. Since I’d already done it once, I forced Juan to make it through that horrendous final season just to reach the end.

I started watching The Voice on Hulu, and I’m enjoying this season! For some reason I love judging people on TV – a guilty pleasure maybe? I don’t know.

We watched the new live-action Dumbo, the 2018 version of A Wrinkle in Time, and a whole lot of kids cartoons.

Writing Things Down…

Sadly, I did not do any fiction writing this month. I’m really looking forward to doing a little bit in April if I get the chance. But I have been able to do some essay writing for a job and of course, journals and short essays for school!

Other Hobbies…

After half the month off, in the last week and a half, I’ve been able to get back to riding and it’s been great fun, just like always.

I’ve still been baking and cooking and not doing too bad a job! Everything gets eaten, so we’re enjoying it I guess! Last night I did cinnamon rolls and other than being a teensy bit overbaked, they were scrumptious! I need another one now….

Home and Family…

Well… as of last week, The Husband is on leave from work and we are social distancing/self isolating as best we can. That’s fun. It’s not like we ever really went out and did anything, but now the only thing we do is go to my parent’s property or out to the trails to walk. I think we’ve both been adjusting to being around each other 24/7, although the Tiny Princess doesn’t care, she’s just happy to have both of us home.

Overall, things are going well, just trying to keep our heads down until things improve around the world, and keep our positivity up. If you need something to watch, we’ve been watching Jimmy Fallon – he’s doing at-home versions of his talk show and it is weirdly inspiring and makes us smile.


Love, light, and kindness,

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Posted by katharine_marie, 0 comments