intentions

Marriage and Communication

Hi, my beautiful folks! I hope this week is treating you well so far!

At this moment, two years ago, I was preparing to say “I do” to the person that still means more to me than anyone else in the world. For once in my life, I wasn’t nervous, which says a lot, because I overthink and question every single decision I make in my life. I’ve never questioned that decision though. My marriage is absolutely the best part of my life and I am happier than I ever thought possible.
But I’m not going to wax poetic about love and romance and all that. I’ve already written about the wedding before, and also about how amazing The Best Husband is on our first anniversary. I’m taking a different approach today and looking at what affects relationships and how they can all be different but still wonderful.

Peach Flower Traditional Love Quote Facebook Post

Every single person is different, so every single marriage is going to look a little different from the next. It would be impossible to expect all relationships to work the same way because there are so many factors that play into it.

Mental Health’s Role

One thing I struggle with is my mental health and of COURSE, it has an effect on my marriage because how could it not? Mental health plays a role in all sorts of relationships in my life, especially friends and family members, and none more so than the relationship I have with my husband. He knows me the best and I talk to him more than anyone else, so he’s most familiar with what I deal with. It’s hard on him sometimes and it can make things difficult, certainly. Not everyone’s relationship is like ours – not everyone knows for sure that their significant other truly has their back all the time. It’s a whole lot easier for me, just knowing that he supports me 100% and will hold my hand every step of the way. That in itself is a lifesaver.

Find Balance Together

I know that he’s there for me, no matter what, but sometimes it’s hard to balance my own health against such an important relationship. It’s a personal struggle that I have because I always feel guilty and think I’m being a burden/too demanding/needy/etc. I’ve been able to overcome a lot of those feelings, but it has been hard. I have very particular needs on my bad days and sometimes trying to get those needs met doesn’t go so well because… communication? I think. Still figuring that out. Basically, I’m working on being able to communicate my needs better without dumping all my crap onto my poor husband and overloading him because hello? He’s got things he needs to and I have a tendency to forget that. I really don’t think he knew what he was getting himself into when he married me. Sorry, love.
I really do have the right intentions at heart, and so does he, but finding that balance where we both feel heard and understood is difficult at times, as I think it is for all couples. We’ve gotten so much better, especially since COVID hit and we were forced to spend even more time together than we used to. Haha.

Check In Often

As I mentioned, communication is key. It will almost always be the key, regardless of the issue. Too many times, we forget to check in to make sure the other person is doing okay. Assuming that someone is doing fine because they haven’t said otherwise is likely to get you in trouble. I’ve been on both ends of that and neither one is fun. There are times that life is too busy and too hectic to really have long, insightful conversations, yes. I’ve been there, but I strongly believe that if you’re too busy to check in on the relationship regularly (daily, in my opinion) for even just a few minutes then you’re too busy. Making the effort to keep the other person “in the loop” about how you’re feeling and doing is vital to staying connected to each other. Without communication, we lose connection, people don’t feel loved and relationships deteriorate.
For me personally, since I stay home all day, it’s easy to get caught up in my own projects and then somehow “not get around” to telling the Best Husband Ever about what’s going on or how I’ve been feeling. It has the double effect of making him feel like he’s not an involved part of our home life and making me feel like I have to take care of everything. The longer we go on like that, the worse it gets. But even if its a day that he gets home extra late, but we still find time to talk about what happened and how we’re doing before going to bed? That’s still a good day and we go to sleep feeling that connection.
This post is getting a bit long already, whoops. Most of what I’m said so far sounds like basic relationship stuff, but making connections is even more important when dealing with mental illness. In my experience, both anxiety and depression have a really frustrating effect of making me pull away from people, especially important people who are good support in the tough times. Maintaining and making effort in those relationships when times are NOT so hard is vital for me because it creates better habits for when things do get rough.
Have you checked in with someone today? Just to see how they’re doing? Or maybe you feel the need to check in with someone else, just so you don’t feel alone – that’s good too, do that!


Love, light, and kindness, always,
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Posted by katharine_marie in Anxiety, Depression, General, Life in 2020, mental health, 0 comments

A Closer Look – January 2020

Hi wonderful dreamers!

When I made my objectives for 2020, I mentioned a little about how I’m not doing very specific goals this year, but rather working towards certain priorities and intentions, if that makes sense. So, in light of that, I decided not to do monthly goals either. Firstly, because I’m terrible at updating them every month, and secondly, I wanted to do exactly what I’m here to do today. And that is, post an update about January – not necessarily what goals I did or didn’t do, per-se, but just… what happened, I guess?

So. January has felt very long and very short all at the same time. The Husband and I had decided that I would be staying at home with the Tiny Princess for at least a while, and last Friday, the 24th, was my last day at my full time job. So I spent most of January looking ahead to that change, and then this past week has been a lot of figuring out what that change actually looks like. But I’m loving it so far!

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Photo by Jeff Siepman on Unsplash

Here on Elemental Dreamer…

On this blog, we had a variety of content. I talked about the things I’m striving for in 2020 and I rambled about my emotions surrounding quitting my job to be a stay at home mom. I offered a few motivational journal prompts for those rougher days, and then you guys all got to meet me all over again in my updated introduction! I put out a poll asking what kind of blogging content you all prefer – it’s still open if you haven’t voted yet! – and I’m working on using those results appropriately. And then last week, I asked what you would wish for your life to look like in ten years, and offered my own dreams! And now we’re here!

In the Books…

So… surprisingly, I didn’t do half bad on the reading front. I read four books on my Kindle, and started another one that I don’t think I’ll be finishing because the writing is just grating to me.

Country Heaven, by Ava MilesActually a pretty great romance novel, only a little cheesy, and the plot was actually really good!

A Deadly Delivery: A Psychic Cafe Mystery, by April FernsbyIf you couldn’t guess, it’s a mystery story and the main character is a psychic. This one was just okay, not fabulous, but it did keep me entertained the whole way through. Honestly, the psychic aspect of the main character wasn’t that well written, even though she was great otherwise!

Cappucinos, Cupcakes, and a Corpse, by Harper LinYeah, I read several crime novels this month. This one was better than the previous one – no psychics – although parts of it did seem kind of far fetched. I’m just confused – do random civilians go around solving murders all the time, or just in books?

Casino Girl, by Leslie WolfeOkay, fair warning, this is the second book in a series, but I didn’t realize that when I downloaded it and I still very much enjoyed it! Another crime novel, but this time the main character is actually a detective, so much more believable. There were certain aspects that didn’t quite make sense, probably because I didn’t read the first one yet (I’m going to!) but regardless, I was very invested in this story from beginning to end. This is the one I highly recommend out of all the crime novels I read this month!

On the Screen…

I’m woefully behind on the new movies right now – we missed the entire holiday theater selection, but I heard there were some fantastic movies out there! What I did watch, however…

Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood was fantastic. Very, very different, though pretty much normal for a Quentin Tarantino movie, and we actually talked about it the next few days.

I’m still loving the Disney Plus content – makes it super easy to pop a movie on for the Tiny Princess if we need to, plus we got to watch the new live action Aladdin all over again!

I’m currently binge/re-watching Grace and Frankie on Netflix so I can watch the new season, Husband and I are working through How I Met Your Mother (a re-watch for me, new laughs for him) and Grey’s Anatomy is back on!

My Own Words…

I didn’t get as much written as I originally wanted to, but I’ve still made progress. I opened my current book project to start editing, and then decided two pages in that it needed a whole rewrite. So that’s what happening there. Beyond that, it’s just been blog posts for you all!

All Other Hobbies…

By the time this post goes up, I’ll have made my first trek out to the farm to ride my horse! If you didn’t already know, you can read about that under that tab up there that says horses. I’m excited to be riding again, even if its miserably cold and wet right now.

Home and Family…

The Tiny Princess CAN roll over now, she just mostly chooses not to. She learned to growl this past month, and also do that shrill scream that annoys me to no end. But besides some really rough teething moments, she’s been doing really well. We even had one incident where she slept the entire night. Hasn’t happened since then, but it gives me hope!

This past week I helped Husband with one of his video projects by providing some voice overs – new territory for me, but I kind of had fun! I even think I would do more of it for him in the future if he needs it. And I just remembered that he reads this… whoops.

Being home now also means I’ve started to really tackle some of the bigger house cleaning, and I love having a more organized space!

2020 Intentions…

The biggest step I made on my ideas for the year was applying to colleges, and even picking one in particular that I really liked! I’m still wading through paperwork, but hopefully that goes through and I can get my acceptance this next month!


Well, that went on ridiculously longer than I anticipated, but hey, it was kind of fun, right?

What did you do in January?

 

Love, light, and kindness for all,

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Posted by katharine_marie in Books & Writing, General, Life in 2020, Life of a Writer, Lifestyle, Setting Goals, 0 comments