life update

Thoughts for November

Hello dear lovely readers,

I definitely have not been keeping up with my usual blogging schedule this month. The first half of the month I was very distracted with getting words written on my Nanowrimo project and now I’m just having trouble getting any words written at all.

This past week has just been really rough overall. Even though the Tiny Princess still wakes up at night to eat, we had been more or less on a routine and I was getting decent chunks of sleep in between her feedings. And then, for no apparent reason except the fact that she’s a baby, she decided to wake up at completely random times for a whole slew of different reasons other than being hungry. It’s taken almost a week at this point but she is FINALLY settling back into a rhythm so maybe I can stop feeling like a zombie again soon? I don’t know. Now I just need to get her back to her wakeup time being 8am and not 7am. I love you, munchkin, but I desperately need that one hour to myself first thing in the morning, thank you very much! <insert slightly delirious laughter here>

We are also coming up on the holidays. Thanksgiving is next week (Whaaaa? How!) and then it’s Christmas time and then suddenly it’s going to be 2020. I would be one hundred percent okay with time just stopping for a hot minute, but sadly that will never be the case so I guess I just need to get my life together and enjoy the holidays. Which I always do, of course, although this year I’m probably putting some extra pressure on myself to get some family traditions started with the Tiny Princess. I’m awful at putting excess pressure on myself when I shouldn’t, isn’t that right? Something else to work on, I suppose.

It’s been a challenging week in terms of mental health too. It’s a little ironic though, since at the end of last week I was just thinking about how good I had been feeling and things were going well. Ha ha ha… every time I notice that things are good is when they take that turn again. Anxiety was the first one to rock the boat and then, especially with the lack of sleep factored in, things just devolved to where I am now – an uber fragile emotional state wherein one random word can bring on tears and completely ruin my day. I’ll be the first one to bring up the fact that we have the strongest influence on our own moods, but to me that’s the difference between just a bad day and a day where my brain is short circuiting: how well I can control my own moods and feelings. And this week it’s definitely been the brain. Well, and the not sleeping. That too.

In case you can’t tell how much sleep I’ve been lacking, this post has just become a rambling mess at this point. But that’s okay, I haven’t done one quite like this in a while.


With one week left in November, this is usually the time when I start to focus on what’s coming up in the next year and brainstorm new goals and all sorts of new crazy s*$! I can plan to do. Sometimes I even ruin my holiday moments with all of that. But not this time.

I’ve earmarked a page in my planner and labeled it “2020”. Now, for the next 4-5 weeks (or until Christmas is over) whenever an idea or a thought pops into my head about the future, I’m jotting it down on that page. Once I go back to work after Christmas, then I’m going to actually take a look at that page and figure out what next year might hold.

For right now I want to focus on making memories and enjoying the holidays, bonding with my family, my husband, and my sweet baby girl. Time goes by way too quickly and right now I’m tired of wasting it by focusing so far in the future. Adaline is never going to have another first Thanksgiving or another first Christmas and even though she won’t remember it, I intend to enjoy it with her as much as possible.

I’m going to go ahead and scale back my blog posts for the rest of 2019, depending on how I’m feeling on any given day. I suppose we can consider this my winter break – the intention is to come back in full force once January arrives.


All the love and kindness for the season ahead!

Katharine Marie

Posted by katharine_marie in Anxiety, mental health, 0 comments

Moving is Chaos

Hello lovely folks and fellow dreamers!

As I mentioned in Monday’s post, we moved out of our apartment last week! We finally found a place that, while not being any bigger that what we had, is a million times better as far as neighborhood, quality, etc. All the things that were important to me with the impending addition of a tiny human.

But as we all know, moving can be complete chaos. It’s been a bit rough and crazy, but mostly just exhausting. We’re both super tired and trust me, we’re not even completely unpacked yet.

photo-1562534315-64dba645d0f9.jpg

I had well laid plans and great intentions for packing and moving everything in a timely and orderly way. But good grief, packing is ridiculously hard when you’re eight months pregnant. Well… in reality, just about everything is hard. But the physical exertion of just filling two or three boxes with just clothes was enough for one evening. So, we can just say that things didn’t go according to my “well laid plans.”

We were also faced with the fact that we have way too much stuff. I love a more minimalist aesthetic, but we are so far from that idea it’s a little funny. Because I wasn’t able to pack up as much stuff as I wanted to ahead of time I wasn’t able to sort through everything as much as I originally planned. But we’ve still been able to get rid of a lot of clutter and I plan to sort through things a little more as I unpack boxes.

I need to do a shout-out to my family – they have been absolutely AMAZING. My dad brought his truck and trailer and between him, my brother, and The Husband they were able to move all the furniture down from our second floor apartment and across town to the new place. In the triple digit Texas heat, no less. I felt so bad for them, especially since I have a piano that practically weighs a ton by itself. And my mom – she packed up so much of the house on her own and has been helping me clean. Let’s just say I felt very useless the whole time and still everything got done.

And the cats… oh goodness… they are certainly figuring things out. Giovanni despises moving or packing or anything related to that so he has been a real piece of work. Moriarty just thought it was all the best game ever! I mean, boxes everywhere, right? But they’re slowly settling in. I think they still feel a bit out of place – and they’ve been waking me up at 6am or earlier since we started spending the night. So that’s fun. Time will help them adjust though.

Of course I wish the place was a little bit bigger. In reality the floor space is probably very similar to the apartment but the layout is very different. But we are definitely losing closet space and I’m having to work around that fact.

The entire place has concrete flooring – which while it might not be ideal is really not a big issue. We’re going to invest in some area rugs and cushy mats for the kitchen, which will help a great deal. And we’ve already noticed that the place just feels a lot cooler than the apartment did, part of which I’m sure if because we’re ground level now, but also the concrete floor just stays cool.

My favorite things? Oh dear…

  • The backyard, especially the adorable horses across the fence!
  • The kitchen is bigger. So, SO nice.
  • A laundry room! Granted, we still need to acquire a washer/dryer, but at least there’s a place to put them!
  • No. More. Stairs.
  • The quiet feeling of being almost in the country. We’re in a neighborhood right on the edge of town and it is gloriously quiet and relaxed.
  • Did I mention the stairs being nonexistent? It. Is. Fabulous.

The next housing goal is, of course, to own our own place and we plan to work towards that after the baby gets here. Whether that will be just buying a house or actually building something, we’re not sure. But for right now? I think we’re content just to settle in, work towards some financial goals, and not rush into anything. We found what we think will be a lovely place to bring Baby A home to and that is all that matters right now.

Originally I was going to share a couple of pictures, but without internet at the house for the week my options were more limited – but I plan to share pictures in a couple weeks when I have things more organized. Right now everything is in the middle of unpacking and rather a mess so I’m okay keeping it to myself! So stay tuned if you’re interested in the “finished” product!


Love and kindness,

Katharine Marie

Posted by katharine_marie, 0 comments

Expectations: An Update

Hello beautiful people!

In January I met my goal for monthly blog posts and wrote 7 of them. Then in February was when I started feeling sick all the time and basically spent my time doing as little as possible – and posted here a total of three times. In March I was hoping to feel a bit better, but that was slow in coming, so thus far I’ve put up three posts again – this will make four!

Anyways, I figured it was about time I wrote an update that was less vague about why I’ve been so absent much of this year. Continue reading →

Posted by katharine_marie, 0 comments

Tuesday Thoughts

Hello lovely beautiful people!

It’s been well over a week again, and I feel really awful about the lack of writing/posting lately, so I figured today I would give up a multi-faceted update on my life lately. Or at least parts of it. Hopefully you are all doing well and enjoying the last few days of February (seriously, where has the time gone?!).

matthew-henry-115712-unsplash.jpg

This would be me if I could stay home all day.

Health

First off, I’ve mentioned my health issues several times during the last few blog posts, so it makes sense to mention it again. I have a bigger post about the whole shenanigan planned for March, so I won’t go into a lot of detail here. Mainly, we’re slowly making progress and I’m starting to feel better. I don’t want to jinx myself, but today was the first morning that I woke up and actually thought about getting out and going for a walk before work. I didn’t do it (mostly because I was already going to be running late for work) but the fact that it was a thought in my mind first thing in the morning is a huge deal for me. But, like I said, I’ll update everyone in a few weeks on everything that’s going on!

Ponies

Partly because of how I’ve been feeling lately and partly because Texas winters are really weird and unpredictable, I haven’t been able to spend time with my horse lately and I certainly haven’t been able to ride. And it is driving me crazy. I read a lot of horse blogs in my spare time, which gets me thinking about riding even more. And when it’s pouring rain outside and I’m stuck on the couch, I tend to “window shop” for MOAR PONIESS. Generally I keep my window shopping to the higher-level horsies that we most definitely can’t afford, so that makes my life easier, but yesterday I started browsing some cutesy ex-racehorses who are much more in our price range. And yes, darling husband, if you’re reading this, I know we don’t have a price range right now because we’re not buying a new horse anytime soon. Tehehe. Anyways, please let us get some sun and less mud soon?

School

In completely totally different news, I’m looking at going back to school again. The idea is to switch my major to English, since I’m more likely to end up working with writing and editing stuff than I am to make a big business out of my piano skills. Also, we’ll be able to continue living in this area and keep our jobs, since the degrees and colleges I’m looking at have great online options. I’m not sure when I really want to start classes again or whether all the finances are going to work out, but its something I’m getting really excited about. Learning always makes me feel like I’m working towards something again, in a bit of a different way than setting my own projects and deadlines does. For now, that’s all I’m going to say on the subject, but I’ll make sure to give updates once we figure out details and timelines and what the process is going to look like.

Goals

Now… I know that March is coming on, and super crazy fast too. I don’t understand it either! And honestly, as I get ready to write my post on March goals, I’m constantly reminded of how little I did in February. It felt like a disaster in some ways, just because of the amount of things that got pushed to the wayside, but honestly in some other areas I’ve made a lot of progress. So while the list of things I got done is going to look really pathetic, I’m ready to look forward and see where I can make new ideas. Life is a continuous process, and I’m working on taking it one day at a time right now.

Mentally

Before I make this post way too long and rambling, I wanted to just mention the fact that I’ve been pleasantly surprised over the last month. Despite all the health things going on and feeling somewhat like I’ve failed at a lot of my goals recently, I have not had any major mental setbacks. I haven’t had a real panic attack in at least a month, probably closer to six weeks. And while I’ve had a few rough days, I can’t say that I’ve really slipped into a true depressive patch in approximately the same amount of time. I wish I could say that I’ve just really been able to manage my thoughts and ideas in a more positive manner lately or that I’ve been taking some kind of new vitamin or medication that is helping out, but none of those things are the case. So, for right now, I guess I just keep moving forward! I think the whole idea of taking it one day at a time really helps though, since I start getting more anxious when I try to look or plan ahead more than I really need to.


I’ve already started a post about March goals, which should go up on Friday, so hopefully everything stays positive and good between now and then. For all of us!

Until then, all the love and kindness in the world!

Katharine Marie

Posted by katharine_marie, 0 comments