mom

a new lifestyle

Hey fellow dreamers!

Today is Friday, my second Friday since I left my full time job. Two weeks that I’ve been a stay at home mom. Sometimes it feels like it’s been forever, but it really hasn’t been.

I never thought I would be doing this. Well, truthfully I had my doubts that I would have children at all, but once that was something I wanted, I really felt called to try and pursue work options I could do while staying home with the tiny human. Particularly as someone who wants to home-school down the road, it seemed natural to start from the beginning.

christopher-harris-bJqeJxeyiJE-unsplash (1)

I will say it’s definitely been an adjustment and not without it’s very, VERY hard moments. The teething, which had been kind of hit or miss, depending on the day, really hit us around the middle of last week and I’ll admit I had a few times where I missed being at work, or anywhere away from the screaming really. She still doesn’t have that ridiculous little tooth, but between the on-demand nursing, extra naps and cuddles, and the magic of chamomile, we’re surviving for right now.

I’m learning how to do a whole lot in 45 minutes while she sleeps. I honestly had no idea how much one could fit into that small space of time! I still feel like my house will never be as clean as I want it to be, but it is consistently more clean than it was before, so that’s something.

Another time I’ll talk more about how my schedules and planning tendencies go with this new change – something my therapist and I are still discussing and tweaking for my optimal mental health – but I can honestly say that working full time and being a SAHM are equally hard, it’s just in different ways.

Working full time was so SO hard for me because it felt like I never got anything done at home because from the time I got off to the time she went to bed, I wanted nothing more than to enjoy those precious moments. Then, when she did go to bed, the day really hit me and I no longer had any energy for the house chores or anything else I might have wanted to do. Emotionally I struggled a lot and the lack of sleep wore me down so much.

Being at home is… a little easier for me emotionally? I say that kind of in jest because we have had several of those days where I want the Husband to be home RIGHT NOW so I can just have a moment to myself. But I don’t miss the emotional roller coaster that being away from her was for me. My days often feel incredibly long and I’m not even quite sure what day of the month it is right now – I can keep up with the day of the week only because Husband goes to work. Sometimes it feels like I’m doing stuff all. day. long. and then in the evening it’s like my day was gone with nothing to show for it. So it’s different. Easier in some ways, harder in others.

I have so much compassion for new moms now because no matter which lifestyle you have, it’s going to be hard. That’s just what having a baby is like and everyone has to decide for themselves which path is going to work (ha ha)best for them and their family. Mom guilt is such a real thing and I know we all cry in the shower, or in the car, or wherever because we’re convinced we’re doing it all wrong. There is no right way to be a mom as long as you’re loving that baby with everything you have. That’s all that matters.

I said something about it in an Instagram post earlier this week – that success can change from day to day. It’s not a static definition. Not only does that mean that my definition will look different today than it did yesterday, but it means that my definition in general will look different from yours. The comparisons that often happen between different mothers is so unrealistic because we are all such different people.


For myself, I have zero concerns about choosing to stay at home with my beautiful daughter. Is it where I imagined myself to be at this point in my life? Not at all. But it is where I need to be right now and whether or not that changes in the future doesn’t really matter to me.


Love, light, and warm hugs, especially to all the other moms out there!

untitled

Posted by katharine_marie in Life in 2020, mental health, Parenting, 0 comments

Two months of #momlife

Hey there lovely readers!

I totally failed at putting up a post earlier this week – when it came down to it, I was more focused on getting words written on my Nanowrimo project than I was on writing a new blog post. But today I must write on both projects, I suppose!

Last Saturday marked two months since little Adaline was born. It’s been a roller coaster, to be sure, but its definitely the adventure of a lifetime.

untitled.png

The Tiny Princess doesn’t seem so tiny any more. She’s grown so much, her personality is starting to come out more and more, and we are still over the moon and totally obsessed with her.

Being a little family is my favorite part so far. It makes me happier than I can explain to watch The Husband play with and take care of her. Even though I miss getting a full night of sleep, I’m also not ready to give up those moments at 2am when I get to bring her into bed and cuddle with her while she eats.

I already feel like time is slipping away from me far too fast. I wish I wasn’t working so that I could spend all my time playing with her and watching her learn new things. That has been the hardest thing for me so far – she is generally very happy and engaged in the mornings, but I don’t get enough time to really enjoy it since I have to get ready to leave the house at a certain time.

I’ve mostly adjusted to being a mom now, and of course I still struggle with certain things, especially the fact that it is ten times harder to juggle all the things that need done at home before and after work when there is a small human that requires my attention first. That and if I thought I was tired before she came along, it was nothing compared to this. Thankfully, for my own sanity, she’s a very good girl and generally wakes up to eat and goes straight back down. She almost never cries or stays up in the middle of the night.

Complete honesty is that I have definitely dealt with both postpartum depression AND anxiety and both are very difficult. I’m still dealing with both at times, but I’ve been getting the help I need and things are going much better now.

Overall, we might have some rough days and I might feel like I’m losing my mind or falling apart half the time, but I’ve never been more blessed than I am right now. We could not have a more perfect little princess to love on and take care of and being her mom is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me.


Love and kindness,

Katharine Marie

Posted by katharine_marie in mental health, 0 comments

Thrills and Fears

Hello you fabulous readers!

This week kind of feels like a rollercoaster for some reason. And it’s only Tuesday!

In case you don’t keep up with me on social media, I was finally able to announce yesterday that I’m taking my writing hobby on a new adventure and finally making the push into the freelancing world as a writer and editor!

Now you can check out my new professional website while I slowly figure out how to break my way into jobs and side gigs that I really love spending time on! I’m a whole mix of terrified and excited because this is what I’ve wanted to do for a long time but have never had the courage or drive to really go for it.

But anyways… starting my new business isn’t what I wanted to write about today. Not really. Or at least not quite yet. We’ll come back to it.

Today I want to talk a little bit about the thoughts, the thrills, and the fears that I have about the other adventure I’m embarking on… the one where I become a parent.

photo-1494980947829-a7f5002f8c94.jpg

I wasn’t the girl that grew up dreaming about the perfect wedding or knowing that one day I would become a mom. Nothing against those things themselves, but just that I had other priorities and interests that kept me busy.

It makes me cringe because it’s so cliché but I only started being interested in having kids after my husband and I got together. We’re not going to talk about why that might have happened, but that’s the way it was.

But even after we had talked about it and decided that children were in our future, it still didn’t really sink in just what I was getting myself into. Even now, there are a lot of things about the whole situation that scare me to death and if I wasn’t on this adventure with the person I am I probably would have already died of panic. (Sorry, anxiety talking!)

The logical, rational, thinking side of me keeps me kind of sane. I know that my husband and I are an incredibly good team, that we have the same values and ideas, and that we’ll be able to handle this. I’m aware that I have a big group of friends and family that live nearby who will be able to help me learn what I need to know and take on some of the work when I need the backup.

I am super blessed to have a full-time job right now that is supportive and understanding of how real life works so that I’m not stressed about that adjustment after baby A arrives.

Then there’s the terrified aspect… I am very aware of the fact that I don’t know a lot about taking care of a baby. Honestly I only learned a few months ago how important it is not to leave blankets or pillows in a crib with a newborn. I didn’t really babysit as a teenager and I wasn’t all that interested in small children so information like that never really stuck in my mind.

I’m really scared that I’ll do something wrong and she’ll never be able to sleep on her own at night. I’m afraid that the cats aren’t going to get along with her and I’ll be forced to choose (thankfully I already have a long list of ideas on how to fix this problem if it arises).

And somewhere in the middle of all that fear and panic is the realization that I am already completely smitten with our baby girl. I already love her more than I ever thought I possibly could and even though its still scary I am so excited to be able to show her just how important she is to me and to her dad (who might be even more in love with her than I am). It’s humbling (and frightening) to think that she is going to rely on us for everything, that we’re completely responsible for her.

But the whole adventure is so thrilling too because even now already, before we’ve even met her, she is exactly what we hoped for and so much more than we could have dreamed of.

So the rollercoaster of emotions and anxiety and panic? It’s all there because I never realized how much the process of becoming a parent would take over my entire life.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way.


Love and kindness…

Katharine Marie

Posted by katharine_marie in Anxiety, 0 comments